The Air I Breath

I wonder these days, "how did I live before my little girls came into my life"? Poorly, I thought to myself. On Feb 10th, the Girl Scouts had their Sweetheart Father/Daughter Dance. We dressed up in our "Sunday come to meetin' " clothes. We ate and danced and had the perfect evening. I held them close as we danced, and held back the tears of utter joy that came on as we swayed back and forth to the slow songs, the three of us. I smiled great big and laughed out loud as we "boogeyed" to the fast songs. They did too as they watched their 40 something dad try and keep up with a 6 and 9 year old. The ride home from the Dance we talked and laughed about the fun we had and the prizes we won in drawings they had there. I got a little bit longer hug and kiss from each of them that night as we tucked them into bed. The "I Love You, Daddy", Thank you for being our date" made my whole night. I understand the unconditional love that a parent has for their child/children more each day. They are my light in the darkness, my lift when I'm feeling down, they are the air I breath...

Sins of our youth

Your mother isn't wrong when she tells you, when you're young and stupid, to be careful of what you do and say because, you will be held accountable. As I type this, I am living proof of that. I was truly a rotten youngster, troubled. Feeling like I just didn't fit within the fanily unit. I can admit that,one, because it's the truth, and two, because I live with the concequences every day. Most I can deal with but, the estrangement of my brother and sister is my deepest valley. It's an emptiness I cannot fill. You certainly don't think of these things when you're young and "bulletproof" stupid. I couldn't think or see further than today then. Now in my "40's" with 2 beautiful little girls, I feel the full impact of my past actions and words. I had my first daughter in 1998, then we lost our mother in 1999, that's when the full impact of past actions really slapped me in the face. Not having the Auntie or Uncle there to share my child with or that comforting, familliar shoulder to lean on when I'm feeling down, is my reality, through no ones fault but my own. It is truly a painful lesson I live every day but, I plod on and hope beyond hope that they will know the adult "me", one day. I long for that connection/closeness my siblings share. To be included in the fold, as it were. I think they would like me, now...