Sins of our youth

Your mother isn't wrong when she tells you, when you're young and stupid, to be careful of what you do and say because, you will be held accountable. As I type this, I am living proof of that. I was truly a rotten youngster, troubled. Feeling like I just didn't fit within the fanily unit. I can admit that,one, because it's the truth, and two, because I live with the concequences every day. Most I can deal with but, the estrangement of my brother and sister is my deepest valley. It's an emptiness I cannot fill. You certainly don't think of these things when you're young and "bulletproof" stupid. I couldn't think or see further than today then. Now in my "40's" with 2 beautiful little girls, I feel the full impact of my past actions and words. I had my first daughter in 1998, then we lost our mother in 1999, that's when the full impact of past actions really slapped me in the face. Not having the Auntie or Uncle there to share my child with or that comforting, familliar shoulder to lean on when I'm feeling down, is my reality, through no ones fault but my own. It is truly a painful lesson I live every day but, I plod on and hope beyond hope that they will know the adult "me", one day. I long for that connection/closeness my siblings share. To be included in the fold, as it were. I think they would like me, now...